Chasing Cars

Chasing Cars



The world was stretched around her.  A streetlight shone somewhere above her, seemingly miles above her, yet the bright yellow light felt unnaturally close.  Somewhere dusk was closing in around her, casting the world into darkness.  In her head she could hear the memory of screeching, of metal screaming as it scraped together in a bone-chilling disharmony; then of course, came the cacophony of banging, clanging and crashing.  But now it was relatively quiet.  Somewhere something was clinking.  Lights started to flicker on in bright glowing colours of red, orange, yellow, blue, green and purple floating on the edges of her vision like bokeh lights.  It was strangely beautiful.  She’d never seen the world from this angle before, lying, as she was, face up in the middle of the street.  Noise of people started to interrupt her sense of peace.  They were screaming and shouting.  She wished they’d just shut up.  She closed her eyes, feeling overly upset.  Tears fell from her eyes.  They were ruining it.  She couldn’t stop crying and opened her eyes again.  Sight was by far the most beautiful sensation she could access right now.  A heavy acrid smell clung to the air; sharp and potent, with an essence of burnt rubber hanging in it.  And the people surrounding her were so damn noisy.  A siren had started ringing through the darkening atmosphere.  She choked out a sob, sticky warm liquid dripped from the corner of her mouth.  She could taste it against her tongue, tangy and metallic.  More tears slipped to her hairline.  Her body hurt.  Everything that made her was pain.  She tried to ignore it all.  She fought to push out all the unpleasantness that pressed in around her and focused on the lights.  Red and blue illumination flashed sideways across her eyes, staining her vision periodically.  The colours of the world glowed in a confused jumble that varied in time with the flashing.  Beyond the lights, it was very dark.  Her gaze wandered beyond the streetlamp above her and found an evening star.  It must have just appeared for its nightly watch over the world.
‘It must be a good show,’ she thought, ‘if you come to watch it every night.’
There were people running through the edges of her vision, but she ignored them.  They weren’t important; she wanted to see the stars.  She wanted to see all the stars.  Wouldn’t someone turn off all the lights?  Let the city go dark.  She wanted to see the stars.
‘Just one last thing,’ she begged, ‘won’t you give me one last thing?’
Last thing.  Somewhere inside of her, she acknowledged this.  More tears slipped from the corners of her eyes.  The red and blue lights were an annoyance now.  
‘At least turn them off,’ she thought.  But they persisted, and she couldn’t even raise breath to the words that passed casually through her mind.  She was suddenly aware of an argument breaking out somewhere out of sight, but before it even began, an angry male voice snapped,
“She’s my fiancée!” and then heavy footsteps rushed her way.  The flashing lights stopped glancing across her eyes as someone knelt in the way.  She felt a rush of relief and gratitude, but she didn’t turn to whoever blocked the light for her.  Soon enough his face stood centre in her vision anyway.
“Celeste,” he breathed her name like it was a delicate glass vase.  She didn’t answer, she didn’t think she could, but she smiled and stared into those achingly familiar blue eyes.  He didn’t look away and she could feel his hands brushing the side of her face.  She fought to focus on only that sensation and block out the rest.  It was hard work, but it was important.  Her smile vanished as he looked away from her.
“Hey!” he shouted, “why don’t you help her?  She needs your help more than he does!”
Celeste could hear the agony and anger in his voice.  She willed her hand to touch him, bring him back.
‘Look at me,’ she willed, ‘look at me, and just me.  Forget the rest of the world.’
Her touch brought him right back to her.  Tears filled his eyes.
“It’s okay,” he managed to squeeze out, “you’re going to be fine.  Just fine.”
He was stroking her hair back off her face.  Her lips pulled into a soft smile again.  For this moment he was her perfect world.  For this moment, nothing else mattered, and as long as he was there, everything was perfect.
“I booked those tickets to Europe,” he stated, “all we have to do is organise accommodation, but that should be easy.”
Tears tracked down his face, and her heart ached in her chest as he explained their plans.  
“We’ll get to see Dublin,” he breathed, and she smiled again, despite the tears blurring her vision before they slipped down her head.  For a moment she thought of Ireland.  She’d never been, but she’d always thought it would be green.  Green and beautiful.  
‘I wonder if the lights glow like this in Dublin?’ she wondered briefly as everything that glowed blurred into warm fuzzy circles.  His voice brought her back into focus.
“We’re gunna do it all, aren’t we?” he asked.  His voice sounded so strained, like he was trying to speak while being half garrotted.  Celeste stared at him, and a fresh wave of grief and guilt washed over her.  Her pain would only last a little longer.  But what about him?  How long would he miss her for?
‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised, her heart aching painfully.  But even though she felt his pain like her own, she didn’t want him to leave her.
‘I don’t want to be alone.’
“You’ll be fine,” he finally choked out again.  She reached out to him and placed one weak hand against his face.  His blue eyes met hers again.  She couldn’t speak, but she hoped he could hear her thoughts.
‘Everything’s going to be okay,’ she was trying to say, ‘you’ll be okay.’
They were both telling one another the same thing, and they both knew they were lies.  She wasn’t going to be any more okay than he was.
‘But you can move on,’ she told him, ‘when you’re ready.  Move on without me.’
He would be okay, given time.  She didn’t have the energy to hold her hand to his face and she lowered it, but he caught her hand in his and raised it, kissing it lightly.
“Everything’s okay,” he breathed, like he was trying to convince himself.  Her eyes were beginning to blur, but not with tears.  Time was running out.
‘I need to tell him once more.’
She took a moment to work up the strength and then she took a deep breath.
“I love... you.”
She’d barely managed to make the soft words audible, but he’d heard her.  Fresh droplets passed over his perfect face.
“I love you,” he answered.  She smiled at him again.  The ground beneath her felt strangely soft.
‘If I lay here,’ her thoughts were drifting as she stared at him, floating coloured orbs drifting somewhere through the edges of her vision, ‘If I just lay here...’
The lights glinted off his clear blue eyes, reflecting the colours that surrounded them.
‘Will you stay with me?’
He didn’t speak now.  All that was her world consisted of his eyes and the soft lights.  Perfect, gentle eyes and soft, fuzzy colours.
‘And...’
She could feel nothing but his hand now.  
‘...just forget the world...’
For that one moment, everything was perfect.